Confession: For many years, I “couldn’t” open my mouth to sing praises during worship in church on Sundays.
I haven’t shared this with many, partially because it was such a strange thing that I still don’t fully understand, but I felt that I was to share this with you today. Who knows, maybe there is someone else out there going through that very same thing.
During the time I was dealing with this I shared only with Jason and maybe one or two other people, but I think there was a part of me that thought, “If I share this with the wrong person, will I then have to then deal with it and face it?”
Do you know how many Sundays I came to church and could not open my mouth to sing with the congregation? It felt like glue was holding my mouth shut. This bothered me so much, and yet I still couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth. I was shut down, consumed with what people thought of me, and I felt like such a fake. So stuck in a lie that I believed, a mindset that I had come into agreement with somehow. I still don’t know exactly how this came to be, but it was holding me back, it was a hindrance, and it made me want to hide.
Side note: Do you know that when we sing praises and worship it is a POWERFUL weapon against fear and anxiety. Wow, what a thing the enemy was trying.
The good news is, I shared my troubles with Jesus and He didn’t let me stay where I was.
I think after I shared it with Him, asking Him to help me through it I even said, “uh oh.” 🙂
After praying about it, filling myself up with the truth of the Word, I remember the Sunday I finally decided that “I can” open my mouth, I knew it was time to be done with this hindrance, and with the Lord’s help I pushed through. It was a step in my journey that had more impact probably than I’ll ever know this side of heaven.
Looking back at how hard that jump was for me, and how the Lord has taken me from that first really hard jump to now, loving corporate worship time so much, I see how important it was for me to break that chain that was keeping me bound, I see how I had believed such a ridiculous lie for YEARS. I had tried to keep it hidden because I thought I was safe there.
He loved me so much that He didn’t let me stay there. I love that so much. It’s hard but so worth it. Do it again and again, Lord.
He is faithful.
“I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever, with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations.” – Psalm 89:1