I’m going to write this post from a place of not caring what anyone might think of it. May not even go back and run a spell check… hopefully it will make sense.
I have suddenly found myself in this place of, “God! I can’t do this! It’s just too much!”
It’s like it just hit me, and suddenly I’m feeling the extreme reality of my weaknesses, and I’m looking at my circumstances and I’m looking around at where I’m standing, what I’m doing, and then I’m looking at God like, “How in the world God? What in the world are You doing??”
That’s the honest truth.
So I ran to my Heavenly Father this morning and we had a heart to heart.
About the only thing I could come up with is, “God, help me!” 🥀
And then I wanted to ask Him, “God fix me!” but I knew what I would mean in my heart if I asked Him for that –it would be a kind of “quick fix” that I wanted to ask Him for. An “easy” quick fix.
Have you ever cried out to God and just asked Him to fix you? Will You just fix me God? Will you just make me into some kind of human being that has an easy time at doing these kinds of things, who has words to say, who can never go wrong? Who will never make mistakes and never have to come running to God with tears and a troubled heart? Could you just take all of this struggle and weakness away?
But I know that His kind of “fixing” isn’t the same as our kind of fixing, and it’s never usually quick with His kind of “fixing”. And it’s usually still a lot of hard work, but the hard work and challenge is for a reason and a purpose. At least that’s how it has been in my own life.
God doesn’t want “perfect” and “capable” human beings according to earthly standards.
He wants a broken, imperfect, weak, self-helpless, desperate one…
Why? Because He wants me to always come running to Him as a child runs to a Father. He wants me to always, desperately need Him. The more I desperately need Him the better off I truly am.
My level of desperation for Him must always remain high.
“What in the world, God? Wouldn’t it be easier for You if we didn’t need so much help all the time? If we didn’t mess up all the time?”
He’s aware of our current state. He’s aware of all of our issues, all of our insecurities, all of our hidden things, all of our weaknesses, all of our troubles, all of our wrong ways of thinking… and yet this is who He wants to use. This is who He wants to give His strength to, this is who He wants to work through — the emptiest of empty, the lowest of low, the broken. This is who He wants to bring close to His heart. This is who He wants to renovate and transform — not into a perfect human, but into an empty vessel, into a needy and dependant child who will always, always run to Him to be filled.
Isn’t that something?
This is what He is reminding me of this morning as I run to Him and cry out,
“But God! I can’t do this! It’s too much, I’m overwhelmed! Help me because I’m wanting to run and hide again! Can’t You just fix me so I can do this stuff better?”
His ways are not our ways. As a Father, He knows best.
So, instead I ask Him, “Lord fill me back up, fill me up with Your capability, Your strength, Your words, Your heart, and Your mind. I’ll go and do these things in my incapable and weak state, because You’ve said that what You bring me to, You’ll give me what I need, I don’t need to have my own.”
And guess what… He is “fixing me”, but it’s in His way, in His timing. Do I sometimes wish He would “hurry up and fix all of my issues” so that life is “easier” and I don’t always have to struggle so much? Yep.
And He’ll take away anything that is standing between me and Him. When I hand it over, He’ll take it away, but He won’t necessarily just take away all the things I don’t like about myself, all the things that I wrestle and struggle through…
No– because He is going to do a work to transform those things into something He can use for His glory. Sometimes that takes time, and sometimes it takes pain and struggle.
He isn’t going to just take all our struggles and weaknesses away,
He is going to use our struggle to give us our story.
He’s going to use it for His glory. 💐