You know, for years I wanted to hide. I felt I needed to protect and guard myself, and hiding was a way that I could get away from life when it seemed too overwhelming. And it didn’t take much to overwhelm me. When I was on the verge of being uncomfortable –I would stay at home and hide.
It was very easy to hide because I kept myself very strategically disconnected from most people, from anything that could potentially draw me in too much, or anything I could have to devote too much time to outside of what I wanted to do. I only thought this would make life easier for myself, but I was really digging myself a grave.
You see, when we’re so focused on shutting everyone out to protect ourselves, it’s easy to become a very selfish, self-consumed person. That’s exactly what I was. Still am prone to that, always fighting it off.
I was against any kind of spur of the moment thing, didn’t like anyone showing up at my house, didn’t want my schedule to change from my daily plan (which was the same – go to work and then come home and hide) — I had a very lifeless life.
This was a dangerous place to be. I was dwindling away. The enemy tries so hard to get us far, far away from anyone who could potentially reach out and help us.
I had gotten to the point of absolutely despising going to church — for years Jason would go, he played on the praise team and then I would either go, or usually… not go. It was always this dreadful thing, until I finally just pretty much stopped going.
I don’t know how I went from that to where I am now, but I am learning that the Lord wants to be the one who “hides” and protects us. It’s a healthy kind of “hidden” –He knows what we need. He knows who we are and what we can handle. We are kept.
Coming out of hiding, did I have to feel uncomfortable? Yes. So uncomfortable. Where there lots of tears? Of course! But I am learning that it’s just how things have to be sometimes. It’s just the way of life –IF we want to find the joy on the other side of ourselves. Am I still an “introvert”? Of course! But He increases our capacity on the other side of the uncomfortable.
It’s so worth it.
“You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence
From the plots of man;
You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion
From the strife of tongues.”