I’m at the place of “oh wow, how did I get here?”

Consumed. Driven to dig and discover. To understand.

Yet, as I stand here with my shovel, all of the dirt in a pile behind me, I feel like there is so much more beyond the depths of where I am standing.

Always, so much more.

When I think back to where I have been, I can see how much my perspective has changed. Where I am has changed.

Last night I was reminded of a couple of songs that I used to listen to years ago. From what I can remember, I had each of these songs on repeat for an extended period of time back then, and yet I don’t think I ever even came close to understanding what these songs really mean until now.

It’s interesting to hear these songs today after not hearing them for many years. In the same moment these songs take me back to “then”, they also bring me to the realization that I am really only starting to understand certain depths and meanings, and from here I can also see that the depth only gets deeper and deeper. I only understand that there is more depth than I can comprehend. As I listen to these very familiar songs, I feel as though I am listening to them for the first time again, but as a completely different person.

In case you were wondering which songs I am referring to, listen to “If You Want Me To” by Ginny Owens, and “Burnin'” by Nichole Nordeman.

“If You Want Me To” by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken

And The signs are unclear

And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I’m gonna walk through the valley

If You want me to

‘Cause I’m not who I was

When I took my first step

And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will go through the fire

If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that’s not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I’d never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me

And I’m all by myself

And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help

I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through

And I will go through the valley

If You want me to

“Burnin'” by Nichole Nordeman

Started rubbing sticks together

I thought a spark would take forever

I never dreamt this fire would appear

When Moses saw the Bush in flames

And heard the branches speak his name

I wonder if he felt this kind of fear

CHORUS:

‘Cause I’m burnin’

Yeah, I’m burnin’

And I know I’m gonna blister in these flames

So I’ll stay here

‘Till this smoke clears

And I’ll find you in the ashes that remain

Used to be that I could say

My faith was one arm’s length away

From any flame that ever felt too warm

Asked for matches, but I recieved

A gallon full of gasoline

Now my cozy campfire days are gone

CHORUS

‘Knock with caution at the door’

They said, ‘Beware of what you’re praying for’

So I’ll stand here with my whole desire

In the middle of this forest fire

‘Till I’ve nothing left to show

And new life begins to grow…

–Heather