“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Theodore Roosevelt
Have you ever been at a place where you’re doing something that you don’t consider yourself qualified to do, and you are doing it because you feel the Lord has led you to it for some reason. You don’t know why you are doing it, you don’t know where it will lead you, and you don’t even really think you want to do it, but you do it.
Then as you are doing this thing, you see others doing this same thing…
…except you notice how they do it so. much. better.
You look at them… then you look at yourself. Then you (Okay, let me just go ahead and change this to “I”) ask God, in my moment of weakness,
“God, why do you have me doing this thing when this or that person can do it so much better? What is the use? What does it even matter? Lord, I feel like you’re letting me be set up for, “Poor thing, she’s trying, but she just ain’t got it. Bless her little heart.”
Then I hear, “O you of little faith“…..
“Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” – Matthew 14:31
*ouch*…. double *ouch*! Then another *ouch* because I’m also slapping some sense into my own self.
Comparison + Insecurity = a dangerous thing.
Note to self: Don’t do it. Lord help me. Don’t go there.
“Comparison is a slippery slope to jealousy.” -Danielle LaPorte
This day and age it’s so easy to see what everyone in the world is doing. How they are doing it, how amazing they are at how they are doing their thing that they do so well.
But then the Lord reminds me that there is no other “me” out there.
He made me unique, to be used uniquely. He made me weak to be made strong.
There’s a reason for it.
There is no need to feel like I’ve got no other choice but to be in some kind of competition. To assume that all I would get anyway would be the “Participation Ribbon” and “that’s not worth anything”…. oh these thoughts, they try. I say no.
Wouldn’t it be something for me to decide to shut it all down, to shut myself down just because I assume what I am doing is not worth anything, not usable, that it’s pointless, that it misses the mark, so why even put myself out there anymore?
If I did that, if I disqualified myself it would be because of my own decision, my own doing. No one can make me decide to do that but myself. *Hmm*
I know what this is. With this realization, this real and raw moment between me and God, as I ask Him for His help, I can feel the strength and determination coming back…like some kind of a super-hero (and I can’t believe I am saying this) specifically “She-ra Princess of Power”, because that was my hero as a child, who has lost her power because of some silly thing, but then she remembers who she is, and her strength comes back, complete with a bolt of lightening going through the sky. Ha!
Now, don’t we look like alike? Haha
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” – Hebrews 11:1
Why is it default to assume that “the Lord can’t use me, surely not me”?
I know better than this. I know better than this. Yet it’s a constant battle within me.
Wouldn’t it be nice for the Lord to just take all the ugly stuff out of us, just like that, and we wouldn’t ever have to wrestle with it?
“He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” – Matthew 17:20
Oh, and that thought of “I don’t want to try this thing You have placed before me, God and have to face ridicule or embarrassment of attempts and failures….”
But I know… I know I know I know…
“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:10
Help me to believe it Lord, help me to be okay with this and to accept it, Lord. Father, thank You for your patience with me. Thank you for also lovingly nudging me along, encouraging me to not stay where I am. Thank You for your Fatherly reminders. And Lord, thank you for showing me the things I need to work through — that I may be closer with You.
–Heather