If you saw my house in its current state, you would probably never in a million years think of me as a “neat freak”. ?
Oh how I love order. How I love for everything to be in its place. How I love organization. How I love a clutter-free space. Oh how I love to be finished. How important to me it is to have my home, my peaceful place to dwell.
Right now I am living in the complete opposite of that — upside down in just about every. single. way.
…Except for having a place to dwell, I do have that. It’s the thing I have to make sure I’m staying thankful for – that though my house may be in a vulnerable state, at least I do have my home and my family that I love so much.
But I really don’t know how I’m functioning right now, other than it’s God. And I know that it is.
As we are living in our home, we’re working on renovations ourselves as we have the time, as we have the money, and in the best way we know how to make it work. It has been a real challenge to be able to take my mind off of all of the tasks sometimes and focus on whatever task is at hand.
There have been times when I sit at my dining room table in the morning, I’ve got a deer head looking up at me from the floor on the left and piles and piles of random things on the floor and table, cats and dogs mixed in too and plenty of their fur that I’ve not been able keep up with keeping clean these days. ?☺️ It’s not the kind of “perfection” that I so often think I need.
The reason I am sharing this is not because I want anyone to feel sorry for me… it’s because I am constantly in amazement of how the Lord is helping me through. I am in absolute amazement every time I don’t feel tempted to make a pile of things and burn them. ha! I depend on Him every millisecond of my day. He’s stretching me in just about every way of life right now. This stuff may not seem like a big deal to some, but at one time, I really couldn’t tell you what my reaction would have been other than “not a good one.”
But I know the Lord is doing something through all of this. I know there is a lesson to be learned within all of this process, a deeper revelation, and I know there is a blessing waiting on the other side of it.
I know that He’s increasing my capacity, He’s pushing my limits, He’s tearing down, He’s making me vulnerable, He’s teaching me to appreciate things I’ve never been near thankful enough for.
I’ve found Him in this mess. He’s in it with us. He’s here. He’s tearing down the walls with us, He’s looking through all of our things with us, as we decide what needs to go, what needs to stay, what we need to make room for… He’s here with me as I sit in a pile of dust. As I throw up my hands because I don’t know what to do – He reminds me of what I need to be reminded of. He’s giving us creative strategy to make a little bit of money go a longer way, and He’s giving us the patience we need as we have no choice but to go at a slow and steady pace.
The other day we were putting up a large beam, and we were tired… I was trying to do something that I’ve never done before, it was just the two of us, and Jason was trying to explain to me what to do and I just wasn’t getting it right. I told him in a burst of frustration, “I am NOT a house builder! I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m doing my best!” –Well, I think I’ve changed my mind about that statement. I actually am learning to be a “house builder” by the grace of God. He’s teaching us how to tear down and rebuild our house the right way, and I am determined to treasure and learn from this time with Him. ??♀️?✨