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2.3.19 – My “Here and Now”

I am learning not to make a move ahead of God. Not to even go there in my mind.

That sounds like a really dangerous thing to do, doesn’t it? Well, it is.

I’ve found myself trying to do this. To think I know what He could possibly do in a situation and then to start “leaning” that direction to kind of check it out. Well, it could be a possibility, but the Lord hasn’t answered yet. Just because I think it might be an easier way to ease into it, IF that would be what the Lord leads me into. Too far. Dangerous territory.

Waiting on Him to answer does not mean I should also try and figure it out myself in the meantime just because I’m growing weary for an answer and I’m ready to lean into one direction or the other. The “inbetween” time, until the Lord is clear, is still my “here and now” and wow – for me to be distracted and even “disconnected” from my “here and now”….hmm.

I found myself backing away from a couple of things this past week. Backing away because I thought I needed to do that in order to be in a more “neutral” place in my heart and in my mind. Like this might help me if I back away a little and place myself on more neutral ground, then it would be easier if I had to suddenly shift and focus my attention on something else. IF. No, that’s not waiting on God, that’s me trying to take things into my own hands because I’m being impatient. That’s me trying to make things less painful for myself IF the Lord should take me into something else.

This is exhausting.

But what if the answer is “none of the above”?

What does “waiting” mean?

To “wait” upon the Lord means to stay where I am until I receive my instructions otherwise. Yes, waiting is a time of “readiness” but that should be all the time anyway. For me to stay where I am means that I need to continue business as usual, I need my focus to remain on what’s before me. My heart should remain there. My mind should remain there. What if I miss something huge in my life because I am not living in my “now”?

What a lesson He is taking me through right now. A lesson in waiting and listening carefully. To clear out everything I’ve “built” in my mind as a “possibility”. What if none of that is what the Lord is wanting to do? He has a way of surprising us sometimes. He doesn’t fit into a box.

In the meantime, I have this “here and now” and I think it’s pretty important. I think it deserves my attention, my heart, my time… and I can get excited about it, I can enjoy it.

–Heather ?

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