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2.9.19 – Questions

The Lord has this way of leading us to the next step… in a way that we can handle at the time we are to take that step. But often times we don’t get the detail or information that we sometimes think we need –the answers to “what could possibly be next?”. Maybe sometimes glimpses, possibilities –but no detailed instructions yet. Just enough to get our attention. Just enough to keep us following His lead.

Oh Lord. I don’t understand, but I know that You are good, I know that you are kind and I know that You lead us to a place where we can do those unexpected, impossible things with You. You have this way of making a way.

I suddenly just remembered back to when I was in the hospital, 11 years old, had just been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes after a blood glucose level of 1400 landed me in the emergency room.

I was a kid of many questions… I wanted to know what was going to happen, what to expect, “What are you doing with that thing? Is that a needle? Will it hurt? Will I have to do this? Wait – hold on. Will I be okay?”

Anytime a nurse or doctor came in and they were about to do something or check something I was like, “Woah, woah, woah, can you please first tell me what you are about to do?” In 11 year old language, “Can you please tell me what to expect so I can prepare myself for whatever that might be?”

Right after they had gotten me into a room, a different nurse that I hadn’t seen before came into the room. I knew I hadn’t seen him before so I wondered what they were going to do to me this time. He was very nice, but I became worrisome after seeing the supplies he had with him. “Did I see a giant needle?” He talked with me some, and then asked me to hold out my wrist and I can’t remember if I sensed something from Mom who seemed kind of troubled, or what, but then he started preparing me, that I might need to hold on to Mom or something and not look. But I looked and I saw a very large needle, seemed like 3 inches long or something. I thought, what in the world is this? I said, “Wait, what is this going to feel like? Will it be like a bee sting?” The nice man said, “Yes, kind of like a bee sting.” (Funny thing is at that point I don’t think I had ever been stung by a bee, so I could only imagine what that would be like. Ha!) Then suddenly there was this extreme pain, I couldn’t hardly look, but this man had put this HUGE needle into the palm of my hand. I think they had to do it a second time more in my wrist. They had to pull blood from my artery. It was painful, but I was somehow able to be brave and I got through it. Really had no choice though. I thought, that HAD to be worse than a bee sting. Is that what a bee sting is like??? Good grief!” (In case you were wondering this test is what they call an “arterial blood gas test” to check for carbon dioxide in my blood and/or damage in my organs from my blood glucose being so high.)

I asked question after question after question of what to expect. Sometimes the doctors and nurses gave me an answer, but sometimes when I asked, they knew I couldn’t handle those details at that moment in time, so they couldn’t really tell me, “I am going to stick this huge painful needle in your palm, and it’s possible we can’t get to the artery, so we may have to do it again in your wrist, which may hurt even worse. This is going to really hurt bad, kid.” You know? Ha! But this test was so completely necessary. It had to be done. It was for my good.

I know that some things in life, we can’t possibly prepare ourselves for by knowing about them ahead of time, by having every one of our questions answered in full detail. Maybe He has me in a preparation time to prepare me for certain truths of what’s ahead in my life. That doesn’t mean I should brace myself ahead of time for pain, it just means that I have to keep going, keep learning, keep trusting, keep growing… knowing that what He has for me, whatever it could be, is for good. God knows that sometimes it’s best for us to just take one slow and steady step at a time. He loves us enough to know that sometimes we can’t handle certain truths in certain stages of our lives. He doesn’t answer every question we have, He doesn’t always tell us what to expect, He doesn’t show us the whole map in detail. We just have to trust Him and take each step, one step at a time, keep going, never give up, and He will get us there.

Jeremiah 29:11 says,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Thank you God, for not giving us every single answer to our many questions like we sometimes ask for. I know You do this out of love. I know it’s for our own good. You know what we can handle, and You know what is good. I know that You love me and You are leading me, and I thank You for the peace that I know you’ll give me no matter what kind of situation I may face. I know it’s all for good. I trust You.

–Heather 🌺

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