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7.3.19 – “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

I love the way the Lord teaches us how to live life in this incredible way that only He can.

It’s amazing to me how He shows us things, how they somehow turn into a “knowing” and “understanding” and how we learn to recognize these things as they happen. What a wonderful process it is getting to know the Lord and learning His ways.

Every morning I sit down with Him. Somehow writing in my online journal has become a daily thing since around last August.

Sometimes I’ll wake up with something on my heart and I can’t get to the laptop fast enough, sometimes I’ll really have to spend time pressing in to be able to hear His heart. And sometimes I’ll wait and wait, and I’ll maybe have a simple little thought or question that comes, but I won’t really know what to say about it, and yet I’ll feel a pull to open up my journal and just “begin” writing, not even really knowing what it’s going to be as I begin typing the words. Somehow it turns into something that the Lord is wanting me to write down. It’s like each morning I wait until I feel a “ready, set…. go!” from the Lord.

Today is one of those days where I was sitting with the Lord this morning, I had a simple random phrase that popped into my head as I was talking with Him, but I really have no idea what to say about it, and yet I felt such an urgent kind of release to go ahead and get my laptop and start typing words.

Here is the phrase I heard this morning,

“Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Why all of this Wizard of Oz kind of stuff lately, Lord?

The other day it was a phrase Dorothy said to the Wizard about there not being “anything in the bag for her”, and yesterday I felt like I was in a “tornado” kind of situation. Today it’s this phrase, “Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

So what does this phrase mean?

To me, it means…

“We’re no longer in our normal, quiet, comfortable way of living. We have crossed into a brand new world, a different way of life, a different way of living, and life will never be the same —we’re never going to be the same…”

As I think of this phrase I feel a sense of excitement, but also a sense of “oh boy… Jesus?” *looks around wide-eyed, and a little bit teary-eyed* – I can so relate to how Dorothy must have felt in the moment she said that phrase.

But do you know what this phrase means to me when I think of it applying to my own life? It means I have crossed over into something that feels like a whole new world, and I have this feeling that I’ll never be able to go back to “normal” ever again. It means that I am dependent on the Lord in a way that I have never been before. I am so needy. I am walking so closely with Him yes, because I love Him and I want to be close, but also because I am so needy and dependent on Him. I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know this new world like I thought I did my old “normal” life.

“Normal” and “expected” is my comfort zone. Man, I can do normal!

But the Lord has called me out of “normal” and I am so out of my comfort zone. It’s not easy for me to live in the “unexpected”, to live in the “twists and turns” of life in peace, but in reality, He’s pulling me into what I’ve been created for. Just because it’s not easy, it’s not comfortable, doesn’t mean it’s not meant for me. It just means I’ve got to follow Him closer, I’ve got to be fully dependent on Him. It’s the only way I’ll ever make it. I’m not in the kind of world that I can live independently on my own anymore. He’s bringing me into what He created me for, and I’m experiencing major growing pains.

This is what He is teaching me to do right now…

He’s teaching me to live in constant communion with Him, constant communication, constant dependency for each and every step and decision — big and small. Waiting and stepping, waiting and stepping, casting down worries, saying no to stress, pushing past the fears, seeking, hoping, remembering. trusting…

Here are the things I find myself saying and praying a whole lot lately…

“Help me, Lord!”

“What do I do, God?”

“I can’t do this on my own, Lord, carry me!”

“Lord…”

“I trust you, Father”

Those don’t seem like the most eloquent kind of prayers, do they? But it’s my heart, and the Lord understands my heart like no other. I’m thankful that “He gets me” — oh how He gets me!

So I don’t know why I needed to write about this today. Maybe it’s simply a good day to document where I am in my journal.

Maybe some of you can relate. I have a feeling that many of us feel “alone” while going through seasons like this, but the truth is, we’re not nearly as alone as as we may feel sometimes. Truly, we’re not alone in the slightest.

-Heather ?

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