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7.18.19 – A journey through my journals…

This morning it took a little bit of pressing in and through to hear what the Lord wanted me to write about, what He wanted me to see this morning…

I have been fighting tiredness lately, headaches, and some tension in my neck. This has made sitting at the laptop more of a challenge for me lately.

…and it’s really no surprise to me…

But I know that in times like these I am to simply stand firm and declare my trust in the Lord, waiting upon Him as my daily Deliverer. So that is what I am doing. I’m keeping on keeping on!

But after pressing through, the Lord led me to a specific journal from last year. I picked it up, opened it and noticed that it was from around July/August of 2018, when I had noted that I had just left a season of “in between” and come into a season of “” ha! ?

It was right around the time the Lord had given me that website link. Other than that link, I had no idea of what it would be other than knowing it would be a “blog” site and that I would write on it whenever I was to write, and I did know that it would have to do with “Psalm 91” and about my journey of learning to live that verse.

It was around this time last year that I was just beginning to learn about living daily in the secret place. The Lord was drawing me into “the secret place” after He had me zero in on Psalm 91 in such a major way a little earlier in 2018. Something about this passage felt like it was to become so “part of me”, so I just began soaking it up, digesting it, and seeking the Lord in that “secret place” each day to see what He would say and do, and lead me to.

Little did I know that what would come from this secret place would soon burst from the seams…. going from a private, quiet time with the Lord to something that would be available for the world to see and read about. That’s some major vulnerability! Now, I knew I wasn’t to share everything, but I did realize that there were some pretty vulnerable things the Lord was leading me to share about my life.

The Lord was speaking so loudly during this time in my life, He was speaking in such an obvious and BIG way, and I see now that it was so important that I didn’t miss what He was saying to me at that crucial time. I knew it was Him, but at times it seemed to be such an overwhelming and surreal thing to think that God…. would speak directly to…. me? So I did keep quiet about it, only writing about it in my private journals. But this morning there are a couple of things I feel I am to note on here today in my journey of looking back through these particular pages of my journal.

Here is a note from my journal on 8.23.18:

“I am hearing, ‘I will give you words – you have the message from what I am doing in you and what I will do!'”

He gave me a verse on 8.24.18:

“I will give you hidden treasures,
    riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the Lord,
    the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” – Isaiah 45:3

Then I wrote a down a couple of pages of words that I felt the Lord was speaking directly to me about what I was to do, very specific instructions, and He told me He would “teach me in this secret place

It ended with this…

“I have been ‘pulling’ you, inviting you into where you are now. I Am a patient God because I love you and I know what you need.”

In the days that followed how I wanted to “retreat”, how I second-guessed so many things. How I was tempted to completely shut everything down and go back into hiding.

But the Lord kept pulling me and leading me and teaching me and encouraging me…

I am beginning to see why He had me start this blog, even though I thought it was the most ridiculous thing in the beginning. Oh, I thought all kinds of things about it. ?

“Lord, what have I to give?? Why would anyone ever want to read anything that I would write on this blog?? And how does all of this make me appear?? People are going to think I’m nuts!”

Looking back to life from that time to “now”… the Lord has taken me through a process of being emptied, learning to surrender, learning the importance of obedience, learning to allow the fire to clear away hindrances, and prepare the way for the Lord to begin to build in me.

I love taking a journey through my old journals sometimes so that I can see and be reminded of the things the Lord has spoken to me. Sometimes I’ll get to suddenly see things that He was doing, that I didn’t realize at the time, but I can see and understand them now. What a blessing!

Sometimes this is where the Lord leads me to in the mornings…. it becomes a time of remembering what the Lord has said, what He has promised, and what He has done. All kinds of reminders that encourage me and remind me that He goes before me, He’s got my back, and He is surrounding me beneath the feathers of His wings. I am kept, I am held, I am protected, and I am being led into the greatest journey of my life.

Thank you, Lord. ?

-Heather ?

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