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7.20.19 – You heard my cry, You saw my heart. You came to my rescue.

I really don’t know what this post is going to turn into, so “beware” ☺️ and continue reading at your own “risk” ?

The Lord took me back through my journals again this morning, this time it was 2016.

I think He wanted to remind me of where He has taken me over the last couple of years.

…Rewind just a bit to when I first sat down with Him this morning…

I wrote a few notes down from my day yesterday, and then I just stopped…. I laid my head back and got quiet with the Lord… I needed to focus on Him to break through some stuff again this morning before I went any further.

Then I said,

“Lord, I need You.” …because I do, I really, really do… and then the tears came, and whatever that was broke and I felt the sweetness of His presence. Thank you, Lord. ☀️

Then the Lord took me back to two of my 2016 and 2017 journals. I have a few papers that I’ve printed out that have been given to me, and I return to them often to remember how I felt in the moment I received them. I remember how I had such a deep witness, even though I couldn’t understand in the moment, but I felt it.

Has that ever happened to you? Someone gives you a word, or they share a vision or dream with you and something from it just hits you so deeply, that even though you don’t understand it in the moment, even though you maybe don’t understand the significance of it in the moment — you can feel it, and you know. You know it is meant for you, and you know it’s a Holy Spirit moment — moments like these I will cherish always. They’re life changing. They help to carry you, they keep you hanging on when you’re feeling that you are at your end. Lord, bless those who obediently do what You ask them to do.

Then I went back into 2016, read about some of the struggles I was facing around that time. So often I wrote about how disqualified I felt, how unusable I felt, how unsure I was that the Lord could possibly use me in any kind of way. Jason and I were going through all kinds of things around that time. I felt that I was drowning in all of my issues so much that there could be no way I could do anything to help anyone else.

I wrote about things that I went through, I can see now what was happening… I can see in what I wrote, the attempts of the enemy and how he so tried to keep me from where the Lord was wanting to take me. He tried just about everything you could think of to hold me back.

But the Lord wasn’t having that, and He pulled me and pulled me and put in me this sense of “I’ve got to keep going, I’ve got to keep going, this is SO HARD, what am I even doing, but I’ve got to keep going”. He also put this extreme sense of curiosity in me, causing me to dig into anything I could to learn more about the ways of the Lord. Little did I realize what the Lord was setting the stage for in my life. (Do I even have a clue now? ha!)

In 2016, I was still facing some of the unhealthy fear of God. Here is a note the Lord led me to this morning from October 4, 2016:

“I feel I need to pray out loud today…” (maybe my hand was tired of writing LOL)

Then I wrote…

“Just want to sit and talk to God all morning…”

“Free of feeling afraid of Him and His presence, thank you Jesus!”

Yes, I was afraid of the Holy Spirit for most of my life.

The Lord was setting me free of so many things around that time, it was intense, there was an urgency to break, to tear down, to pull up roots, to dig deep. Oh how I was experiencing some major growing pains!

As I look at what the Lord has us doing now, I can see why the Lord pulled me and led me and dealt with me with such an urgency around that time. I can understand why He did what had to be done around that time, I understand why I had to go through that pain, those growing pains. I get it, Lord. You were not going to let me get left behind, You were not going to let me miss out, You were not going to let that happen to me because that day that I cried out to You in desperation, begging You to not let me miss out on what You wanted to do in my life, and what You wanted to do within our church…. You heard my cry, You saw my heart. ?You came to my rescue.

He is faithful. Sometimes we have to go through growing pains and sometimes we have to go through seasons were we don’t understand why we are dealing with so much pain, so much unknowingness, but we can trust Him and know that one day, we will get to look back and see what He did, we will get to look back and say, “Behold! This is my God! He has come to my rescue! Look at what He has done! I could not have done it for myself!”

I need You, Lord. Thank you for never giving up on me.

-Heather ?

4 thoughts on “7.20.19 – You heard my cry, You saw my heart. You came to my rescue.

  1. God bless you????, Everyday when I read you blog, it has a special meaning to me. I to prayed the exact same prayer a year or two ago. I have been a Christian a very long time, but in later life ,around 50, thought what have I done for Jesus. After 2 failed marriages and 1 son that got in much trouble I realized I’d just been making it through. Now, I just really want to focus on Jesus. I suffer with manic depression and chronic pain issues. I know there is a plan, I just cannot seem to discern what to do or even what my spiritual gift is. I’m ever so thankful for the things you write about. I’m so thankful the Lord delivered me from an abusive marriage of over 20 years. I was so beat down in every way. Praise God I’m much better and have returned to church but not Sunday school. I’m trying to get up courage. Thanks again and may the Grace of God continue to shine down brightly upon you!

    1. Bless you, Nikki! Thank you for sharing your story, I so admire your transparency and your determination to keep going. I’m so sorry you have had to endure so much pain, but I pray that as the Lord is turning it all around for good, as He is working it all to be part of His purpose and plan for your life, all part of His beautiful story for your life…. that He will give you peace and endurance to keep following His leading. Courage and passion to keep stepping out in faith in Jesus name! Bless you, dear friend! Always wonderful to hear from you. – Heather

  2. Looking forward to the day when I can look back and see what it was the Lord was doing. Right now I have no idea. I can only keep trusting because where else would I go but to Him.

    1. That day is coming! I think He loves to allow us to look back and see His goodness all over our lives. That’s why I love journaling so much, because I can write things down, and then the Lord can use that to bring me back to connect the dots! There is nothing like those moments with Him when He reveals things He had been doing and how they came together! But when I don’t understand, I just declare, “I trust You, I trust You, I trust You” no matter what, and I truly believe there is something so much powerful in that declaration than we can comprehend right now! Bless you, Cathy!

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