I have this vivid memory from high school…I’m sitting in class, and internally I’m in full panic mode about the fat rolls on my stomach. If I had a pair of scissors in that moment I think I would have quite possibly cut the fat right off of myself. (Sorry for that visual) There was nothing I could do in the moment but think thoughts of intense hatred and frustration over myself, attempting to make plans to do something about it. I lived in that for years.
These days, when I start to feel as though I’ve put on some weight, when I begin to feel those same rolls on my stomach, when my clothes don’t fit right, when my jeans are too tight, when I get frustrated with myself, “Why did I let this happen?”… I’ll often remember “those” days.
“Those” days, that I’d hide myself away, feeling as though I were too ugly, too fat and gross to be seen. “Those” days that I’d hide away, take some diet pills or other “remedies”, binge on food and then exercise, and then food, and then exercise….let my blood sugar go high — it was the most horrible, obsessive, cycle. I was headed down a dangerous path. “Those” days…
But the Lord delivered me of “those” ways, in those days, years ago. I don’t know exactly when it happened or how, but He did.
But…it doesn’t mean that I don’t have to fight thoughts off from time to time. And when I do, I just have to recognize, and decide up front, that I’m not going to let it hinder me, I’m not going to let it take hold, to tempt me into hiding myself away somehow until I can “get myself under control,” until my clothes “fit as they should.”
It is good to recognize something that needs to change and to make those changes in a healthy way… the danger zone is going beyond that into an obsession were it’s all I think about, those condemning thoughts try to creep in, frustration, disgust, shame, more obsession, then hiding…
When I start to feel that way, thankfully the Lord helps me to recognize it quickly. And here is what I do…
I remember the Lord. I remember what He set me free of, how He took me from that horrible place back when I was a young girl, and how He taught me the right way to think. He transformed my mind and stopped that horrible cycle that I thought would never end. He taught me how I should think, and I know how I shouldn’t think.
I look to the Word for the truth about who I am, and why I am here, and I remember the truth —I am His.
I ask the Lord to help me take care of myself when I get off balanced. He wants me to be well, He wants me to be healthy so that I can do the work He has for me to do. He’s so faithful to lead me when I come to Him with a willingness to listen.
So thank You Lord, for taking those memories of some really dark days, and transforming them into something I can use to remind myself of how You delivered me! You transform “those” days into something I can use now to remember how faithful and wonderful You are. How faithful You are to be my help, my Deliverer, and the One who reminds me of the truth.