I’ve had it on my heart to write about something I’ve struggled with all throughout my life, but it never seemed like the right time. Until now…
That thing is jealousy. That word just has such an awfulness, a “rottenness” to it, doesn’t it?
Well, I’ve struggled with it in my lifetime, have you?
The Lord gave me a dream one time and I immediately knew it had to do with the sins of jealousy and envy, and the dangerous reality of what that kind of sin can do in our lives.
I don’t know if this is the “proper interpretation” of this dream, but I felt like the Lord gave me the understanding I needed, and very quickly, right away. This dream led me to this realization, which took me before the Lord and exactly where I needed to be in dealing with this thing once and for all.
Here is the gist of this dream… (WARNING: If you have a weak stomach — sorry!)
In the dream…I stuck my toe into some water, it was a lake, not moving water – it was almost like a pond. Suddenly all of these “maggot” type things went in through my toe and into my body and into my bloodstream system! Later in the dream I am at someone’s house, which reminded me of a house I spent a lot of time at when I was a child. I suddenly “realized” and “remembered” that these “maggot” type worm things that had gone into my system, and had began excreting through my skin, going everywhere… and they were crawling all over this house, everywhere, all over the place…and I realized there was tremendous risk of someone else “getting them.” So I tried vacuuming, and I cleaned and cleaned, fervently trying to get them up, trying to clean them up in my own strength…but it wasn’t working, I couldn’t stop them….. and I woke up.
As I woke up, I immediately and thought about the jealousy I didn’t want to think I was facing again. I also realized that I had gone to sleep with thoughts of jealousy on my mind, and I had asked the Lord to help me in dealing with it because I could tell I was going places in my heart that were dangerous and not good. And then I had this dream, which spoke so specifically and directly to me regarding this issue. I knew it had to be dealt with head on.
What do maggots feed on? Rotten, decaying flesh. Sinful nature. These “maggots” had gotten into my system, into my bloodstream when I “stuck my toe in the water”… they consumed me, and got out of control and then began affecting the environment –because of me, because of what I allowed into my system… this was a major warning to me, a wake-up call to deal with this thing before the Lord, to repent of what I had gotten into my heart then, and to ask forgiveness of all that I had gotten into my heart from the past times of jealousy and envy in my lifetime, and I asked the Lord to cleanse me of it, to purify my heart so that there was nothing left of jealousy or envy left in there.
The Lord was faithful to allow me to see the danger of what jealousy and envy will do through this dream. I immediately knew this when I woke up from the dream…
Somehow that jealousy and envy was washed away after that day with the Lord, and I’m free of it. The Lord replaced those things with good things. He replaced jealousy with confidence in who I am in Him. That never used to be there. It’s no longer an issue now as it was for many years, off and on, but I do need to stay on guard about it trying to find its way back into my life. Anytime I start to feel any kind of twinge of envy or jealousy, I remember what the Lord showed me through that dream, and I’ll never forget it. I’m still working through insecurities with the Lord, but I know that with every battle, I just simply go back to Him to be reminded of the truth that will keep me set free. ?
Isn’t God amazing? Isn’t He so faithful to help us, to show us what we need to be aware of, to show us how we can so get ourselves into such a mess if we don’t depend on Him to cleanse us each day? To depend on the Holy Spirit to keep our hearts in check?
No human is “immune” – we must be on guard and keep our hearts open before the Lord, always. He will faithfully shine His light into our hearts that will expose anything that is not of Him, anything that could be a danger to our hearts and our lives and in the lives of others. He always shows us what to do.
I hope this post hasn’t grossed you out too much, or ruined your breakfast or cup of coffee. The Lord put it on my heart to finally go here with this one today after quite some time, so maybe it’s timely for someone out there.
He loves us, you know. ?He’s so good to us. Thank you, Lord. You are so faithful to love us through any kind of issue we face, no matter how ugly, no matter how shameful. Your love washes all of that away, and You see only what You so love about us. You’re the best at knowing how to lovingly correct us, leaving us empowered and feeling hopeful and loved — never shame or condemnation. Thank You for being such an example to us, for showing us how to live and how to love.