This morning, as I sat down with my coffee and my journal, I began reflecting on the last two days.
Jason and I photograph weddings together, and we photographed a big wedding this past weekend — the wedding day yesterday, and the rehearsal dinner party the evening before that.
It never ceases to amaze me, how the Lord has done what He’s done to empower and enable me to be able to do what we do, because let me tell you…being “on” all day, talking to people, and just speaking up to communicate what I need from people in that way –it doesn’t come naturally or easily to me. The photography side does, but as an introvert, interacting with people in such a way, does not.
All of the stress and the spur of the moment wedding timeline decisions push me to my limit, and yet somehow I’m able to function and do what I need to do.
Yesterday we were photographing the family groups after the ceremony, running about 30 minutes behind of schedule, had 200 or so people swarming around us, I’m trying to speak up loud enough to gather the groups to photograph, asking folks to move out of the background of the shots at the same time, and Jason says to me, “…I feel like I’m going to pass out… I need to go sit down for a second”…. those are just some of the kinds of things that come up at weddings. It could be anything. Everything was fine, I was able to photograph and gather the people on my own, we kept ourselves on schedule (somehow) and Jason was okay after he got a quick bite to get something on his stomach.
But I always know that it’s really not me, it’s not my own strength, when I’m somehow able to do these kinds of things. It’s so not me. If you only knew how much I struggle, if you only knew how hard it can be for me to speak up sometimes, if you only knew the anxiety I struggle with sometimes, if you only knew how awkward I can be. You would know that it’s beyond what I’m capable of.
I remember back to when we went full time with our photography business, how I so questioned the Lord about it, because I could barely muster up enough courage to make a phone call, I could barely have a conversation with a client over coffee. “How in the world am I going to do this, Lord?” But the Lord had put such a drive within me to jump in.
Social anxiety was so overwhelming to me, and it still can be at times. But the Lord has used photography, and our business to grow me and stretch over the last 10 years. He knew He had plans to do a work in me, through all of this, and He is doing new things in me, through photography, through our business, every day.
So this morning, I just felt I was to write about what’s on my heart –this pure amazement of how the Lord can enable us to do such impossible and outside-of-our-comfort zone kinds of things. He has reason for it, and I’m thankful that He’s faithful to nudge me past, what I would consider to be, my “limit.”