This morning, I took my frustrations, my short comings and insecurities to the Lord. He took me deep into the scriptures, a journey deeper into the meaning of His Word, and so beautifully helped me to understand the truth and reality of where I’m at, and what I am to do.
So here it is… I’ll take you from where I was, to what the Lord led me into this morning…
“God! I’m no good at saying things, explaining things out loud, or speaking things! I’ve tried and feel like most times I’ve failed to properly convey what I’m trying to say, or the words don’t come out at all. Only every now and then do my words come out the way I intend them to. Most times they come out disorganized and hard to understand. Why is this? Why is it that I can write my words down so easily and naturally, and yet to speak them and say them hardly ever seems to work? God, I’m frustrated with myself…why is it so hard for me?”
You see, I have no trouble organizing my thoughts into words on paper, and yet for some reason, when I attempt to say them in the moment, when I attempt to organize the words in my head, they hardly ever seem to come out the way I would like them to. It’s like what I want to communicate is “in there” but when I try to get those things out of my mouth, it all just wants to come out at one time, and then I have to stop myself because that just won’t work, and I get stuck. But if I write them down, I can organize them and form them in a way that clearly communicates what I am truly attempting to say.
The Lord led me to the Psalms, starting with Psalm 9:11,
“Sing praises to the LORD, who dwells in Zion! Declare His deeds among the people.”
“I will praise you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all the wonderful things you have done.”
But then the Lord highlighted the phrase, “sing of” and I looked up the definition (I know, doesn’t that feel silly to have to look that up?)
“sing of” means,
-to speak or write about (someone or something) especially with enthusiasm (with passion, from the heart <—- I added that part)
Then I remembered and heard a phrase, “she will sing!” that a person spoke while praying over me a couple of years ago… I was reminded of it and I heard her saying this in my memory. I didn’t understand it with my mind at the time because all I could think of was, “that’s interesting because I don’t really sing?” and yet it did all feel right in my spirit.
Then I thought of Song of Solomon 2:12,
“The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing has come, And the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.” (NKJV)
“The blossoms appear in the countryside. The time of singing has come, and the turtledove’s cooing is heard in our land.” (Christian Standard Bible)
“Blossoms appear in the land. The time of the songbird has arrived. The cooing of the mourning dove is heard in our land.” (God’s Word Translation)
And then it all came down to this…
How often do we get things in our heads that keep us stuck from not realizing the truth?
(and by the way, why is it that the “written word” seems to be the “lesser than” and “not as important” form of communication in this world?)
How often do we dwell and focus on what we think “we’re not” rather than focusing on what the Lord has enabled us to do, into who “we are” and stepping into that?
Why don’t I just continue to do what He has placed before me to do, and then trust that the Lord will enable me to do whatever He leads me to, in His timing, and in His way… not in my own ability, but in my weakness.
Just because there isn’t a “vocal sound” that comes with the written word, doesn’t mean there’s “no sound” communicated.
What about what can be communicated through a photograph or picture?
What about what can be communicated through God’s creation? Through symbols?
What can be communicated by not saying anything at all? What can be communicated through our actions? What about what was communicated through the cross?
“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” – Psalm 19:1
God, thank You for reminding me that things aren’t always as they seem. Thank You for reminding me that You create us all to be different “puzzle pieces.” Your ways are higher than our ways, and Your thoughts about things are higher than how we think about things. I can trust Your leading. I can trust Your timing. I can trust Your ways. Maybe You will help me to speak better one day, maybe You will one day make it not so hard for me, but for now, instead of getting frustrated with myself, and instead of wanting what others have, I will focus on what You have put my hands to right now and be thankful.
There are all different kinds of ways to “sing of” You in my life, God! I will “sing of” Your goodness in whatever way that I can, and whatever way that You lead me to. I will embrace Your process. Thank You, Lord!