It’s 3:19 on a Wednesday afternoon, I’m mopping the floors and suddenly the Lord starts speaking to me about “shame”… I know I need to immediately stop what I’m doing and go write it down, and yet I’m like, “Lord, can I just get all this water off the floor before I have to run and start typing this up?” lol But I had to go ahead and run to my laptop to start…
Shame.
Have you ever been tormented by shame?
Have you ever been crushed by the weight of shame?
Have you ever given into what shame wants you to believe about yourself?
Have you gone into hiding and shut yourself away because of shame?
Have you ever disqualified yourself because of shame?
I have.
“The inner experience of shame is like a sickness within the self, a sickness of the soul. If we are to understand and eventually heal what ails the self, then we must begin with shame.” – Kaufman 1996
Shame can get really heavy. Agreeing with “shame” can make me want to crawl under a rock and hide because I think I’m “not worth anything, useless, and the world is better off without me messing it up, or being seen.”
“Shame” causes us to ignore the love of God and instead we choose to believe what “shame” says about us… “something is deeply wrong with me, I’m so flawed and messed up, I’m not good enough…” (and what is happening is, I’m not receiving the love of God, I’m not receiving what God has for my life, and what He wants to walk me into.)
And here’s the thing about shame… it can be pushed down, it can be ignored, but shame likes to pop up at the most “opportune” times… ?
Believing what shame has to say about who I am goes against what God has to say. It’s the opposite of the truth. Shame is a big, fat, lie.
If shame is not quickly confronted and told where to go… If I don’t make a decision to believe what God says instead, I can easily find myself in hiding rather quickly.
I’ve been there. I sometimes struggle to stay out of that place. Sometimes I’ll suddenly find myself in this place and I’m like, “Shoot, there it is again. Lord, help me!”
I don’t feel shame as I once did. The Lord has been taking me on a journey, to learn to recognize shame, but there are times when I hear a little thought about myself, and I know that it’s the voice of shame trying to lead me down a dark rabbit hole where I can hide myself away again.
I know what to do now, I know how to recognize it now, but do you know that shame made me want to hide away for the longest time? I didn’t know that part of that was partly because of shame.
“Shame” has attempted to prevent or ruin relationships, it has caused me to feel such intimidation at times, and it has led me into extreme self-hatred.
But I have the choice of who I want to believe…
Am I going to believe what “shame” says about me?
Or am I going to believe what my Heavenly Father says about me?
Am I going to believe that what Jesus has done for me has cleansed me of my sins, that I am truly valuable to Him, that I am loved by Him unconditionally…
…or am I going to say that, and yet turn my head while believing the things that “shame” says about me?
This morning, 11/4/19:
Who knew that I would run into right smack into shame again?
God did.
So what do I do?
I run to my Heavenly Father, and I open His book to read about who He created me to be, and what He did for me.
Regardless of what I think about myself, regardless of what the enemy says about me, regardless of the actions of others…
I choose to believe that what God says is true…
The Lord is in my midst! He is a Mighty One who saves me from trouble and leads me into truth! He rejoices over me with gladness, and He quiets the thoughts in my head and the ones coming against me with His love and truth. He teaches me how to fight back from the place of resting in His love. He sings His truth over me!
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a Mighty One who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.” – Zephaniah 3:17
I know that even if shame is trying to get to me, that it’s only an opportunity to cling more closely to You, Father! Forgive me for believing lies. I know that facing this struggle is an opportunity to grow, and to learn, and to understand, and to share Your truth as You do Your work in me.
Thank you, Father. ?I choose to stand in Your truth while resting in Your love.
-Heather ?