I am going to be very honest with you…
Lately, I have found myself being “tested” in a certain area of my life.
It’s a thing that consumed me as a young girl. It’s a thing that turned into self-frustration, which turned into self-hatred, which tempted me to go into hiding. It really is a very “silly” thing…and yet it’s a serious matter.
Sometimes we do the very best we can, and our “best” is still not going to be able to get us to where we’d like to be.
Sometimes we try so hard, and that’s just not enough to get us out of that place of being frustrated with ourselves…
But the question is….
This thing that frustrates me about where I am right now, am I going to let that thing distract me?
Am I going to let that thing lead me off track?
Am I going to let that thing cause me to hide myself away….to hide myself away until I can “come back out in a better state”?
What in the world am I talking about?
Here it is…
I woke up this morning instantly focusing on my waistline…
I walked to my dining room table and noticed my thighs are much too close together…..
“This just won’t do! I just want to be unseen while I’m like this! I can’t be like this…”
I sat down at the table with my coffee, and instead of thinking, “Father! I’m here, let’s spend time together this morning…” the first thing that came to my mind as I sat down, and I felt my clothes not fitting as they should fit, feeling my stomach rolls…. my mind wanted to feel frustrated with myself…
I thought, “Oh how I wish I could just hide away and not have to be seen by anyone until I can manage to get myself back on track, until I can get myself together, until my clothes can fit better again…. this is embarrassing, I just want to hide. I just wish I could stay home today and not be seen.”
And as I thought those things in my mind, I knew that this was a test….
I knew that it was something I would have to run to my heavenly Father to help me overcome. Because I know too well where this kind of thing leads.
I know too well, what this can turn into.
And I know that God isn’t just going to remove what I’m frustrated about, He’s not just going to make me wake up and I’m thinner and “Ok, that’s better! Let’s continue on with life now!”
…because this whole thing… this whole thing that chewed me up and spit me out as a young girl is trying to get me to go back down that same path again.
But I can see it now, and I know who I am now, and I know who my Heavenly Father is now, and I can see and know when these kinds of things are being attempted now…
It’s up to me to say “no” to this thing… that thought, that mindset, that temptation and it’s up to me to take hold of His hand that keeps me on the path we are walking together.
It’s up to me to cast down these thoughts, these obsessions, these concerns, these feelings…. and to be always “at the ready” to renew my mind with truth.
It is up to me, to refuse to hide myself away…
So I ask for grace, and I ask for help…. and it is given to me. ?
And what do I do? I join God in His redemptive work.
I take hold of His hand and we walk together to redeem it all.
We blast this thing out together.
We walk through this thing, and we keep moving forward.
He removes self-frustration and replaces it with His grace and love…
He shows me what’s trying to happen here, and together we throw down these thoughts and concerns, and I set my mind on Philippians 4:8.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
I must trust and obey, never hiding myself away. Always depending on His truth to help me navigate through the feelings that rise up…
Do you know what? I know that I already have the victory in this little trial.
A little trial that can spiral out of control if I let it….
But the Lord is good. He’s so good to help us.
“In the day when I cried out,
You answered me,
And made me bold with strength in my soul.” – Psalm 138:3
I asked the Lord this morning,
“Lord, am I being tested? Why has this thing come back up like this? I feel much of the same things I felt as a young girl in high school…. I thought that was long, long gone?”
And He showed me that He is teaching me to quickly overcome these things, He’s strengthening me to push through these things, to recognize what’s going on right away, what’s being attempted, and to catch them and throw them down quickly.
So…. this has been my morning. But the best thing I can do is to take His hand and walk with Him as He redeems it all. To make something of it… to take it and turn it around to be used for good.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.” – Psalm 139:23-24
Thank You, Father. For always showing me exactly what I need to know, and exactly what I need to do. You are faithful to show me the way. You are faithful to see me through.☀️