This overwhelming hunger…

This hunger to seek and find, to learn, to grasp, to know, to understand…

At times the intensity of this hunger seems to consume me and I risk almost wanting to shut it down because it’s so much, it’s constant, and sometimes I risk unloading too much on other people when I get in a certain kind of zone.

This morning I asked the Lord, “How do I deal with this hunger? How do I tame this thing so that I’m not ‘too much’ all the time….”

(that was my honest question, but He had a different kind of answer and solution to my “how-to” question)

Have you ever felt like you are just “too much” and you almost get a little embarrassed and want to go back to the corner for a bit until you can get ahold of yourself? ??‍♀️??‍♀️??

I reflected on so many things this morning — questions, concerns, wonderings…and all the emotions… writing them all down in my journal, opening everything up before my Heavenly Father.

At times everything seems like too much, more than I can handle, and definitely more than I can unload on anybody else.

So I come to my Heavenly Father…. and I realize I must not be running straight to Him as much as I should.

Perhaps I’m trying to unload all of this on other people, when He’s just right there, waiting for me to just sit and talk with Him.

“But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul.” – Deuteronomy 4:29

So I asked Him to forgive me this morning, and I just completely unloaded all of these things, lots and lots, and lots of things. (How does all of this build up so quickly every day?)

This “hunger” is meant to drive me straight to Him.

He put this hunger there, as a deep desire that will drive me to Him –no detours to take “junk food binges,” –just straight to Him.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” -Matthew 5:6

For a quiet kind of girl (most of the time) you’d probably be surprised at all that goes on in my head, and all of the things that want to just burst out sometimes. For all of the “holding back” there is also a lot of “bursting out” going on. All of these wonderings and questions and things I’ve been constantly pondering over. My poor husband has to deal with outbursts from time to time. ha! ??‍♀️???

This kind of hunger can put us in a vulnerable place, if we don’t run straight to the One who can truly satisfy our souls –if we don’t run to the One who put it there within us in the first place.

He placed that hunger there for a purpose, to drive us straight to Himself.

“O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.” – Psalm 63:1

Satisfy by Bethany Dillon

The human soul can be filled with regret
We never forget
Where we’ve gone wrong
Almighty God stands ready to forgive
All of our offense in a crimson flood

It’s so beautiful
It’s so beautiful
I feast my eye at how You satisfy my soul

With my first breath I drew in depravity
Needing Your mercy
Even in my first hour
I’m proof the cross is as able today
As when the Lamb was slain on the alter of God

It is so beautiful
It is so beautiful
I feast my eyes at how You satisfy my soul

I do believe there is something going on
Where I cannot see deep in my soul
I feel the impact of the Mighty wind
Don’t know where it comes from
But I know where it’s taking me

And it’s so beautiful
It’s so beautiful
I feast my eyes at how You satisfy my soul
It’s so beautiful
So beautiful
I feast my eyes at how You satisfy my soul

Father I thank You for this hunger, forgive me for wanting to shut it off sometimes when I get frustrated about it being “too much.” Thank You for reminding me to run to You with this hunger. For You have promised that I blessed, and that I will be filled when I come to You.

-Heather ?