When I first began spending time with the Lord each morning, I felt that for me, that time needed to begin around 5 AM. It’s the time of the day that is still very dark outside, and it’s like I feel the need to be with Him as the dark night turns into the breakthrough of dawn… Don’t know why it means so much to me, but it does.
Well, over time, especially over the last couple of months it has evolved into a very sleepy “6:30 AM-ish start” –nothing wrong with that, but the last couple of mornings I’ve felt the Lord tugging on my heart to get back to 5 AM. Don’t know why, not saying it’s for everyone…. but I just know that it’s what I’ve felt drawn to for my own life, at least at this time.
So this morning I woke up at 5 AM, and I wasn’t groggy and overly sleepy as I’ve been in the mornings over the last few weeks… ✨
I knew in my heart that the Lord knew my heart… that this determination to seek Him early, to find a way to sort of “push through” and to have more time with Him –time that is devoted, unrushed, unhurried, just time waiting with Him and for Him each morning, not really knowing what He will show me, but always expecting that He will. The kind of morning that simply, “unfolds”… It was like in my heart, I knew that He knew my heart. And He always does.
Well, this morning He surprised me with His wonderfulness, with His love…. ???
What I didn’t expect is that He would turn this particular morning around on me…. what I didn’t expect was that He wanted to show me a little more of who I am in His eyes… that He would show me a little more into my reflection that is there for me to see in His heart, there in His Word.
I happened to open my bible up randomly, as I sometimes do, and after a few sips of coffee, I glanced over at the verse that I had underlined on the page…
“The royal daughter is all glorious within the palace; Her clothing is woven with gold. She shall be brought to the King in robes of many colors…” – Psalm 45:13-14
I felt my heart jump because over the last few months, in several different ways, the Lord has been showing me and reminding me and pointing out to me that I am “His royal daughter“… and I had a feeling that He turned around this particular morning to show me some things He wanted to know about, who I am in His eyes.
Now, as I type all of this, I almost get this sense of almost a “cringe-y uncomfortable” kind of feeling… but then there is another part of me that marvels, in a sense –kind of like, “Wow…. that’s who I am. I belong, and I am His daughter. I belong to a “royal family” in the Kingdom of God. This is the truth. He has created this for me, me for this.”
The Word of God says that I am included in this…
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” – 1 Peter 2:9
This word, “royal” I have seeing all over the place — within different forms (within certain symbols in my life, in dreams I’ve had, in different words that represent this word in the study notes of my bible, in words people in my life have spoken to me, in the symbolism of colors I am suddenly finding myself drawn to…. all of these patterns that get my attention –it’s the way me and God seem to communicate with each other sometimes…
Yet still, just as the thought of being “a royal daughter” makes me warm and fuzzy…
At the very same time, (not going to lie)…
…it makes me extremely uncomfortable. It makes me feel extremely unworthy.
But why does it make me extremely uncomfortable to think of myself that way? Why does it make me want to just look at my feet and blush or shut it down, wave it away?
Maybe if I tell you that for most of my adolescent and into adult life, I’ve literally “hated” myself, literally rejected myself –then you might understand where I’m coming from, and where the Lord has been leading me out of…
But the truth is, there is nothing about my flesh that is any kind of “royal”… I know that it can only be Jesus —Christ in me that would make me into any kind of “royal daughter” of the Most High God. It’s all because of Him. He is my only hope of me ever becoming who my heavenly Father dreamed me to be.
And when I realize that I have been made, “His royal daughter” for a purpose, and with responsibility, and that Jesus paid a price for that… then I am able to see it all a little bit differently.
If I reject that, if I say, “neeehhh… I just can’t see myself that way, God. I’ll just be who I think I am.” Then I would be rejecting what Jesus has done for me. I would be rejecting what He wants to do within me and within my life –for a purpose.
Then the Lord led me to this verse, that I love so much,
“God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.” – Psalm 46:5
Isn’t that beautiful? ?
Sometimes His Fatherly love is more than I feel I can receive, do you know what I mean? It feels so “undeserved” sometimes, it feels so overwhelmingly…. “lavish“… yes, that’s the word I’m looking for.
“lavish” is defined as,
sumptuously rich, elaborate, or luxurious.
very generous or extravagant.
spent or given in profusion.
bestow something in generous or extravagant quantities on.
cover something thickly or liberally with.
Wow, how accurate is that? What a way to describe His love for you and me? He lavishes us with His love, and sometimes in all honesty — for me, it can be hard to receive.
Yet still, Father, I open up to receive all that I can, and I ask You to help me to receive all that I humanly can receive. Because I know that the more I can fill up on Your love, God, the more I will be able to give it away from the overflow. I need so much help in that, God…
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” – 1 John 4:7
“If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well.” – James 2:8
Father, I know that if Your Word says it, then it’s true. Help everything You have shown me in Your Word to sink into who I am, so that I can be who I am to be, and so that I can do what I am to do. Thank You, Jesus. ?