My words never seem to come out of my mouth the way I’d like them to.
If you know me in person, you’d probably know this, but if you only know me on here, you might assume that I’d always have lots of words to say, because I always seem to have many words to write….
Yet speaking these words, organizing the words in my head, making sense of those words, deciding how and when to use them…. it has been one of the greatest challenges in my life thus far.
Oh, how I stumble over my words. It can be humiliating, you know.
For most of my life, the easiest thing to do has been to just shut it down.
To not even try.
That it’s not worth the pain of the struggle…
So for most of my life, in most situations, I pressed the “mute button”…
I just shut it all down, and I hid myself away. I found a way to take care of that. 🤨
But after years and years of hiding myself away, shutting myself down, drowning in excuses,
God decided that was enough.
The truth is, He has given me a voice — a unique voice that He intends to be used in a unique way.
Maybe I haven’t quite figured out how to use it yet, but who am I to decide to shut it down?
Who am I to decide it’s not worth the pain of trying to use it however I can? Who am I to attempt to destroy something that God intended to use for good, for a purpose?
Because I belong to Him. I am His. He lives in me. He wants to live through me…. and whether I think that’s really possible or not, the truth is….. it is.
Am I willing to use the voice that He has given me? Whether I like it or not?
Or am I going to shut myself down out of fear, out of insecurity, out of selfishness?
Am I going to believe the lies I hear about myself and my inabilities…
Or am I going to trust Him?
Am I going to choose to believe that He will do what He says He’ll do, and that He’ll do it through me?
Proverbs 31:8 says,
“Speak up for those who can’t speak for themselves, for the rights of all who need an advocate.” (CJB)
“Speak out on behalf of the voiceless, and for the rights of all who are vulnerable.” (CEB)
“Let your mouth be open for those who have no voice, in the cause of those who are ready for death.” (BBE)
Thank You for what You’ve given me, Lord. I’m going to be thankful for what I do have instead of grumbling over it, instead of deeming it “no good” — who am I to decide that, when You made me to be who I am? You’re aware of what my weaknesses are, but You live in me, and You can do things that I know I cannot do in my own strength or ability. So I’m going to choose to be obedient when You do ask me to use my voice, I’m going to keep going when all I want to do is hide myself away. You didn’t create me so that I can hide away until it’s all over, until it’s “safe” enough to come out. No, You created me to live.
Thank You, Lord. 💖