I’ve always felt “different” than the rest of the crowd.
No matter what kind of group I’m around, even the kind of groups I’ve been a part of where we have the same “DNA” –I’ve still always found myself in the place of being “the odd one out.”
The one that’s so different than all the rest. The one that has trouble fitting in with the rest of the group.
There’s a part of me that likes being different, but there are times “different” can feel lonely. There are times when “different” feels more like “weakness” –like being “less than”…or even “not good enough.”
“Different” does not mean “less than“…
…but sometimes it can sure feel that way.
Sometimes the lies that swirl around are screaming so loudly…
“You’re a nobody, there’s something wrong with you, you can’t do anything right, you just need to go home and back into hiding, people just feel sorry for you, you’re stupid, you just don’t get it, you just don’t got it, just keep your mouth shut because everything you say is stupid, nobody wants to hear what you have to say anyway, nobody cares, you’re just weird, you’re no good, you can’t do anything right, everybody is catching on but you, you’re not important, you’re just less than below average, just give up and quit trying, you can’t……”
???blah blah blah blah.
Sometimes it can be a challenge to shut down these lies, especially when there seems to be so much “evidence” lining up, making the lies seem more like truth.
But I know the truth.
So what do I do when I find myself in this place? When I’m feeling overcome, and I’m overwhelmed?
I run to my Heavenly Father. ?
I run to Him, I sit on His lap, and I pour out everything…..
He already knows, He’s already aware, and yet He longs to hear me open up and share it with Him.
So that’s what I did this morning, I sat with Him, and we had conversation.
I shared with Him where I’m honestly at, I shared with Him what’s going on, completely unfiltered, what’s going on in my head, what’s going on in my heart, and He responded with the truth, He responded with His perspective.
He cleared it all up. ✨He reminds me of how He sees me, He reminds me of who I am. Even though so much is still “unknown” to me… He comforts me with what is true.
Running to Him is always a refreshing relief. ?
He never gets annoyed whenever I come running to Him. I’m never a burden to Him.
He never gets tired of me coming to him with what I’m facing, with problems and issues, with questions and wonderings. I’m never too much for Him. I’m never too small, too “unlikely” or too “hopeless” for Him.
He designed me. He created me. He knows me.
He’s delighted to be with me. He takes pleasure in spending time with me.
He knows what He’s dealing with! He knows what kind of mess I’m in!
He knows how much I want to hear Him, how much I want to understand His heart, how much I want to make Him proud.
He knows what I face.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe that I’m not too much for Him, that I’m not a burden to Him.
That He longs to spend time with me….ME…..far beyond what I can comprehend or imagine.
I don’t understand, but it’s true.
“Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22)
“I will be a Father to you and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:18 & 2 Samuel 7:14)
“…he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— ” (Ephesians 1:5)
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1)
“…’Do not be afraid, because I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called you by name; you are mine.’ (Isaiah 43:1)
At the end of the conversation I had with Him this morning, I asked Him,
“Father, why are you taking me through what I’m facing, and all of my questions and all of my desires in this way? It seems like it’s taking forever, and it’s getting frustrating…”
He said this,
“I am teaching you in a different and unique way. I am taking you through a process so that you can, “show your work”….”
(You know, like a math problem that you work through? Being able to “show your work” on how you went through the process of it to get to your answer?)
It may not make any sense to you, but it made a lot of sense to me. ?
Thank You, Lord. ?I will trust Your process!