Do you ever feel like you’re just really fighting, and wrestling within your soul?
…struggling in the mind, wrestling in your emotions, and fighting off a strong, self-centered, self-serving will?
I’m so thankful that God helps us to find rest in our souls, as we learn to stand on His Word, and as we learn how to commune with Him in our spirit…
I was talking with my mom the other day, about some memories from my childhood, specifically around 4-6 years old, and she was telling me about some things that happened…some I remembered only vaguely…
I was a strong-willed child, I had a vivid imagination running wild and free, and I was emotionally sensitive, extremely tender-hearted.
These are beautiful things…but it was also around that time that my emotions and my mind started going into the wrong direction, and my strong, stubborn will started getting me into some trouble.
I remember on the first day of Kindergarten, I absolutely lost it when I got to school, and I pitched a massive fit about being left there without Mom. Boy did I allow myself to get worked up about it. So much so, that I wouldn’t listen to my teachers, and I ended up being put in the corner the first day in time out. ? ?
I began having extremely irrational fears that would completely overtake me, causing me to do the most ridiculous things, and my strong will would get me into trouble again and again.
I remember being afraid to go to the library (and literally refused to go) in Kindergarten because I found out that there were encyclopedias that had anatomy pictures in there and I was terrified to look at them because I was afraid of skeletons, and I was afraid of seeing dead bodies (and I thought the diagram pictures (illustrations) in the encyclopedia were real pictures of people, but it was all in my imagination that they were real, and I developed that fear based on just what I had stuck in my mind!)
So I’d get into trouble in class, having to “turn my apple around” or “remove a popsicle stick”…..(the kindergarten equivalent to having my name written on the board) basically so the whole class would know that I was in trouble, and I had behaved badly.
I was a lot to handle as a child. I was off the charts.
I remember how I felt when I found out that I had a “brain” in my head…. ?
Something about the thought of having that “creepy, squishy brain” just right there in my head… it terrified me—it was like torment in that moment, I so vividly remember it! The thought of it completely grossed me out, and I remember having a panic, telling my parents that, “I want it out! Get it out of my head! Get it out!” Kind of like if you have leaches or spiders or bugs crawling all over you—that was what it felt like to me in that moment.
By the time 1st grade came around, I had basically went into shutdown mode. At that point I was afraid of getting into trouble, I didn’t want to be “too much” and in my strong will, I decided it was safer to just silence myself—to shut myself down, and lower my risk of getting into trouble, lower my risk of causing problems, lower my risk of public humiliation and ridicule…. and just become less to have to deal with. Boy, I silenced myself real good, even at lunch and on the playground… even if we were allowed to talk, even if we were asked to talk, all I would do is write a note to communicate with people, ALL. Day. Long. I got myself stuck, real good. ?
I would come to class crying every morning, they didn’t know what was wrong with me, and when the teacher would pull me aside to check on me, I would just tell them that “I heard a sad song on the radio on the way to school…” and so I started trying to shut down my emotions too, just tried to avoid and tried to cover it up as best I could, because they were causing problems in my life.
So I got myself into a big mess, and I thought I was doing good to protect myself… little did I know what I was really doing that would later have to start a journey of a process of “undoing” for many years… an “unfolding”… ? ?
But God created in us, a soul….. He gave us our minds to use, He gave us our will for a purpose, and He gave us emotions to be a beautiful, wonderful thing.
And it’s His plan, to so gloriously redeem our souls! —That we may learn to overcome our soul and that we might be used to magnify and glorify Him through the expression of our soul, by the transformation work of the Word of God, and by the communion we learn to have with Him in our spirit.
Do you ever feel like the battle in your soul (in your mind, in your will, in your emotions) has been the battle of your life?
God knew that we would need His help in healing our souls, and in dealing with our flesh.
He knew we would need a Savior to save, heal and redeem our souls! ??☀️
And when we turn to Him, our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, and we begin to stand on His Word, and we look to Him for truth, regardless of how we feel in our emotions, regardless of what our minds think, regardless of how strong and stubborn we are in our will…
He is faithful to help us find rest in Him, and He gives us rest in our souls, as He redeems our souls.
And we begin to grow and flourish to life in Him. ?✨
“The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.” —Psalm 34:22
Jesus helps me, day by day, as I come to commune with Him in my spirit, and as I grow in relationship, and in knowing Him…
As that relationship with Him flourishes, He’s helping me to deal with my tarnished soul—my “soulish nature” that I so wrestle with.
He heals the brokenhearted. ?☀️
… and it’s step by step, as we learn to trust Him more and more, and as we settle deep within us that,
“He is the Lord of my life, and I belong to Him.”
And He has saved my soul… and He redeems my soul. ? ? ✨
That I might learn to surrender… and that I might grow more and more into one who lives and expresses a life that glorifies Him—magnifying Him in and through my life.
Giving way for His pure LIGHT to be able to radiate from within me, shining from out of my spirit where I commune with Him, through my soul, expressing HIM into this dark world.
Thank You, Jesus. ☀️ What an incredible journey You invite us into! What a glorious journey, and we get to be so filled with HOPE—as You so faithfully transform our lives, and as You redeem our souls, and as You grow us in the place of our spirit, in the place we have such intimate communion with You.
You give me rest in my soul, You save me from the torment in my mind, You help me to deal with my stubborn ways, and You calm, and soothe my emotions with Your peace, as I learn to stand on Your Word!
In You, I am unshaken! In You, I am on solid ground.
And You make me to shine Your light, as I get “out of my own way”… ☀️✨
“God’s Word is perfect in every way;
how it revives our souls!
His laws lead us to truth,
and his ways change the simple into wise.
8 His teachings make us joyful and radiate his light;
his precepts are so pure!
His commands, how they challenge us to keep close to his heart!
The revelation-light of his word makes my spirit shine radiant.
9 Every one of the Lord’s commands is right;
following them brings cheer.
Nothing he says ever needs to be changed.
10 The rarest treasures of life are found in his truth.
That’s why I prize God’s word like others prize the finest gold.
Nothing brings the soul such sweetness
as seeking his living words.
11 For they warn us, his servants,
and keep us from following the wicked way,
giving a lifetime guarantee:
great success to every obedient soul!
12 Without this revelation-light,
how would I ever detect the waywardness of my heart?
Lord, forgive my hidden flaws whenever you find them.
13 Keep cleansing me, God,
and keep me from my secret, selfish sins;
may they never rule over me!
For only then will I be free from fault
and remain innocent of rebellion.
14 So may the words of my mouth, my meditation-thoughts,
and every movement of my heart be always pure and pleasing,
acceptable before your eyes,
my only Redeemer, my Protector-God.” —Psalm 19:7-14 TPT
Thank You, Father. ? Thank You for transforming my heart, for transforming my life, for giving rest to my soul. That I may learn how to commune with You, and that I might grow and grow into, all that You have designed me to be, in You. And that I might be able to give way for Your LIGHT to shine into this broken world.