I kind of think I was made to “grow into” my name.
It means, “flowering.”
It’s a kind of plant. —A small, tough, flowering, evergreen shrub that grows and flourishes in rocky areas.
“The name Heather actually refers to a variety of small shrubs with pink or white flowers which commonly grow in rocky areas that is literally referred to as Heather, in English. The brush is native to Scotland and England, but it is more commonly found in Scotland due to its rocky territories.”(Wikipedia)
I’ve spent much of my life trying to shut myself down, trying to close myself off, trying to hide myself away…
Because, it’s “safer there”…. or so I thought. Or so it seemed.
And unfortunately, I’ve been quite “successful” at shutting myself down with my incredibly strong will… using it in the wrong direction. Using it in the opposite way that God intended for it to be used.
But the problem with that is, He didn’t create me for that.
He didn’t design me to stay underground. He didn’t design me to remain “closed”…
He didn’t create a flower that doesn’t “bloom”…a bloom that remains forever closed.
A “flower” that isn’t happy with how its petals are shaping up to be, so it decides to stay closed and hidden because it feels a bit safer that way.
He designed me to flourish, to bloom, to unfold in His timing, to open in my season, and to be who He created me to be.
And over the last few years, I’ve found myself in this place of trying to “undo” what I’ve done to myself over the course of my life.
And let me tell you, this thing is HARD. Especially when you’ve got a strong will like I have.
You may not realize that I have such a strong will, because I’m often good at hiding that, but the truth is, I’m learning how to let go of what I’m trying to hang onto and trust God.
I’m learning how to let go of what I’ve always tried to have control over in my life to remain “safe”… and He’s teaching me how to use my will—the strong will that He created in me, in a way that is submitted to Him, usable for His Kingdom and not “my own.”
And it truly is “one step at a time” for me…
But He’s guiding me every step of the way.
In each moment it’s “step by step” —and yet as I look back, I can see that there have been some “leaps and jumps” that I have no idea how I was able to take —It must have been God. ?
It’s that thing that He does that amazes us.
It’s called “impossible” ✨ It’s called “transformation.”
“Impossible” is easy for Him.
It’s what He does, it’s what He loves to do.
So I need not fret over where I am in the journey, and how far I have yet to go.?
Because I know that He’s going to do a whole lot more “impossible” in my life, as I just keep taking the “step by step”s with Him each day, and each moment.
This life process of “undoing” and “unfolding” is quite a challenging process when all I’ve known, all I’ve done is “hide” and all I’ve preferred is to be “unseen”…when my goal is to be as quiet and unseen as a mouse…
And it can be especially hard to break out of when that is how many people know me to be.
When some have even declared it’s “who I am”…
“Oh she’s shy. You’re shy! Look at her blush! Oh you’re blushing…how cute.”
(Oh, and the “blushing” thing, I will write on that another time, because I have a lot to say about that one…)
But a flower is created to “grow up” and to “bloom” and it’s made to be a beautiful expression of God’s heart, and it serves to nurture the honey bees and the hummingbirds and butterflies. ??
A flower is made to be seen, to give off a fragrance…
A flower may not be “loud”…but it does not hide all its life. It grows up, and it blooms openly in its proper season.
There is a term used called “being a wallflower“… in fact I’ve often used it to describe myself quite a few times in the past.
To be a “wallflower” means “a person who, because of shyness, unpopularity, or lack of a partner, remains at the side at a party or dance.”
” …reserved when surrounded by a lot of people and big personalities. Not really knowing what to say so can come across as socially awkward. This person will blend in and become almost invisible to others. They choose to stand back rather than getting involved as they prefer to observe. They have no desire to be the centre of attention.”
And there’s nothing wrong with realizing things about the way I tend to be, it’s healthy to realize what I’m doing, how I’m acting, but it’s easy to get stuck in that, and it’s easy to decide that’s “all I can be“….
Because a “wallflower” is not a real flower, it’s not the real thing.
And God created me to be a real “flower.”
And I may be in the slow process of blooming, I may be in the process of opening up, and it may seem to be happening so slowly that I can hardly tell anything is happening at all…
But how often do we wait for flowers to bloom, we check to see if they’ve bloomed and check again… and then the next day, all of a sudden we see that flower has bloomed, and it’s beautiful—and there it is. ?
“How and when did that happen?” we might say… ?
So God, thank You for showing me the truth of who You created me to be. Thank You for showing me where I’ve been speaking wrong, where I’ve been believing wrong.
I’m not created to remain a “wallflower”… because You made me to grow into being a real flower, one that has a purpose in Your Kingdom.
Thank You for taking me through this process, and it may be the greatest challenge of my life—this process of “undoing” what all I’ve done to myself, all the lies I’ve believed.
But I am learning to grow and “thrive” and “bloom” in the “rough, rocky places” of life.
And Lord, somehow, walking with You makes this the most beautiful, enjoyable, glorious process.
And You take it all, and You make it ALL—every step— worth it.
Thank You, Father. ?