Can I just be honest right now?

I felt like I was to write this “right now“… “LIVE on the scene” of this situation I’m going through as I type these words…

Some days I struggle with insecurity so much…

Sometimes it’s like it comes in like an ambush.

And it’s like a “wrestling match.”

Suddenly I’ll feel unimportant, insignificant, and unqualified, and like “I don’t belong anywhere“…

Sometimes I’ll feel “unwanted” and I just want to disappear than to risk being rejected more than I already feel in the moment.

I’ll be tempted to compare and contrast myself with others…

I’ll be tempted to hide, to shut down.

But I can see what this is, and I know what’s going on.

The Lord is faithful to show me.

Oh how I would love to not ever have this kind of struggle.

Oh how I would love not to wrestle.

And it makes me so angry sometimes, that I struggle with it.

I get so fed up with “insecurity.”

I get frustrated in the struggles, in the wrestling…

And I cry out to God for help, I cry out to Him for reminding of what I need reminding of…

And He always meets me, even if the pain and the struggle still remains—He makes it better by just being in the middle of it with me. ?

You know, it’s okay to have a “hard day”…

It’s okay…

…to not be “okay” for a moment…

It’s okay to cry out for help, and it’s okay to seem like “I don’t have it all together.”

And sometimes,

…it takes more bravery to fall apart—to break open,

than it does to be able to “bravely hold it all together.”

It’s okay to cry off all of your “perfectly polished make-up” and risk people wondering what could be “wrong” with you…

You don’t have to try so hard to hide it.

It’s okay to let your weakness be seen.

Because God will do a work with your weakness.

We’re all humans, you know.

And it doesn’t matter what “they” might think…

So here I am, writing to you… “LIVE on the scene, happening right now“…..

From this place of being “right in the middle” ?

It’s all part of the journey. It’s all part of the process.

What do we do when we struggle?

We hand over our hearts to Him.

We let Him bring His light into it. ?

And we remember that He’s with us, and that He is for us, and that He will never leave us.

This is what I’m doing right now… and may these attempts that have come at me today backfire on the enemy and make him regret that he ever tried to come at me today.

And it’s going to be okay. ☀️?

Here’s a song to remind me, and anyone else who needs reminding…

“Comes and Goes” by Allie Paige

“I could live out how I feel
Or I could trust in what you say
I could stay here all my life
And never see a season change
Oh it might not be tomorrow
When I see the end draw near
And I might not get my answer
The one I desperately want to hear

But oh I believe
That peace is a person
And love’s not a feeling that comes and goes
Yeah, you see my heart
And you know where it’s broken
You’re holding the pieces
You’re making them whole

I could fill up every moment
With something to pass the time
Or I could sit here in this silence
And find your voice somewhere inside
When all I have to bring are questions
Show me how to see your side
And I will hang on to your promise
They keep me from drifting with the tide

But oh I believe that peace is a person
And love’s not a feeling that comes and goes
Yeah, you see my heart
And you know where it’s broken
You’re holding the pieces
You’re making them whole

Yeah oh I believe that peace is a person
And love’s not a feeling that comes and goes
You’re holding my heart
Like an anchor in strong winds
Constant in the midst
Of the ebb and flow
You’re holding my heart
Like an anchor in strong winds
Constant in the midst
Of the ebb and flow
Yeah, love’s not a feeling
That comes and goes”

Thank You, Father. ? You’re with me while I’m “right in the middle”…and I will praise You and thank You, while I’m right in the middle of it with You.

-Heather ?