I had a moment yesterday…
A moment where it suddenly hit me that the house was a “disaster” and I went into this “panicky” kind of,
“Oh no! I can’t STAND this! I’ve GOT to do something about this, I have to put everything in order RIGHT NOW so that I can function!”
And so I stopped everything I was doing so that I could do something about this situation that was “keeping me from my peace”…
You see, I’m in a season of “unlearning”
and it all feels a bit “foreign” to me.
It hasn’t been comfortable.
It’s a new area of “uncomfortable” to be honest.
I’m in this time of realization…
Realizing a lot the things I do in attempt to create an environment for myself
that feels “just right“…
I’ve been attempting to create an “environment” that I’ve been subconsciously believing will be the “recipe for peace.”
But God has me in the middle of learning
what it really means to “rest in Him.”
He’s taking me through, what it really means to be at peace— “in the middle of”— any kind of circumstance.
And so, I’m in this strange, uncomfortable season of “unlearning”…
Sometimes “struggling” and “failing” through….
…as I’m “unlearning” the “need” to “dissect” every situation in my mind
every conversation
every mistake
every failure
every area of weakness
every area of uncertainty and unknown
…this intense attempt to “figure it all out”
…this intense attempt to “get to the bottom of it.”
And what if ALL OF THIS…
has been leading me into the beautiful lesson
of learning to truly find rest in His love
and in His grace
to experience His peace
while being
right
smack
“in the middle”…
In the middle of the uncertainty.
In the middle of dealing with and letting go of feelings of rejection.
In the middle of the brokenness that is still “feeling” so broken and messed up in my heart…
In the middle of what seems like such an “overwhelming mess”…
A “mess” that I REALLY want “to clean up, RIGHT NOW!”
So that I can “feel at peace”…so that I can “be okay, right now!”
So that everything
“will be okay”…
And what if God
simply wants to show me
that I can experience His peace,
that I can find rest in His love
in any kind of circumstance I face?
I can experience His love and rest in His peace, in any kind of “disorganized mess”…
In the midst of any kind of situation I find myself in the middle of that feels uncomfortable…
What if He’s wanting me to see and know and realize,
that I can be okay,
in the messy, imperfect areas of my heart
that He’s in the middle of mending.
In the imperfect environments around me…
even when things aren’t “perfect” and “ideal”…
Even when I’m not “doing a good job” or “doing things just right”
or “moving forward” quick enough…
How else would I learn these things,
but to go through them
and experience these things with Him?
Heavenly Father, thank You for taking me through these lessons. I’m learning, at Your pace, that I can rest knowing that You are leading me in the way I should go…at Your perfect pace, and in Your perfect way.
As Your Daughter, I know that I never need to worry or fret over my journey with You.
And I don’t need a million confirmations.
I don’t need a million signs.
I don’t even need to SEE any evidence in the natural…
I don’t need everything to be “just perfectly right” in order to experience rest in Your peace, right where I am.
As Your beloved Daughter…
I don’t need to get it “all figured out” and “all sorted out”
in order to experience Your peace.
in order to have a sound mind…
in order to be loved and cherished by You.
I don’t have to figure it all out.
That’s up to You.
And You are taking all of this “pressure” off of me… this pressure that I’ve placed on myself…
…a pressure that’s been weighing me down.
And You simply want me to lean into You
to realize that I can trust You to love me,
and trust You to lead me
even while I’m “right here in the middle” of a place that I don’t like to be.
It’s going to be okay. 💝
It’s going to be MORE THAN “okay”… ☀️
Thank You, Father. 💝
-Heather 🌺