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3.4.2021 – New Ground

It’s amazing how much the level of anxiety that I’ve been experiencing over the last few weeks…has finally begun to fade away… 🍃

I can feel the difference in my body, I can already feel the difference in my mind.

You see, over the last few months, I’ve been dealing with a somewhat “mysterious” issue in my body, and I believe it could have triggered some underlying patterns of thinking, which led me into an obsessive, downward spiral.

The crazy thing?

I didn’t even recognize what was really going on in my mind—couldn’t even see it until a couple of weeks ago when I was finally able to recognize it.

…and then I saw it hiding there,

…in the midst of this intensified obsession to “figure it all out”…

“Could it be this? Could it be that? Why aren’t You taking this away, God? I don’t understand. What’s wrong with me? I’ve done all that I know to do… what’s…..wrong…….? ….God, will You help me, I feel like I’m drowning in this!”

During this time, I’ve had so many questions for God, and honestly, my heart has been hurting, but I couldn’t seem to find where the pain was originating from.

…mix in the intense drive to research the subject, to constantly dwell on the subject (on an unhealthy, obsessive, mind-consuming level)

…mix in some vitamin deficiencies that likely added to the physical level of anxiety I have been experiencing in my body…

And yes, it’s a recipe for “a mess.”

But something so beautiful, and interesting surfaced in the clearing…

Hidden fears,

underlying shame

and rejection wounds

have surfaced in the midst of all of this.

And now I’m learning how “to work” through—to be loved through these things. 💖

Our Heavenly Father is so good. 💝

And I can see how He has been leading me into this place, all along.

He’s teaching me, what I really need to learn right now.

He knows exactly how to mend my heart in these wounded places.

He’s so faithful to lead His children into a place where we can recognize what we need to realize.

He leads us into the place

where we can begin to see

what we need to see for ourselves,

in His perfect timing, and within His perfect love.

He shows us things that perhaps we haven’t been able to see before.

And so many times He doesn’t “instantly” heal us, He sets us on a journey.

Because He knows what we need to be able to flourish and grow. 🌷🌧☀️🌈

He’s had me on a journey for a while now,

but all of this,

all that He is teaching me—right now

feels like “new ground.”

And I know that He is cultivating it for good use. 💝

And you know, it’s amazing how much this “mysterious issue” has lessened over the last couple of weeks—on so many levels—as I’ve taken a step back from obsessing over it so intensely.

The issue is still there at times, but I feel much lighter about it.

I’m not afraid of it anymore.

I’m not afraid of the “why” it’s not gone away…

And I’m no longer feeling the “dread” of it coming back when it’s not there.

God is helping me to stop the cycles of obsession.

And He’s helping me to “unlearn” a few things…

He’s teaching me to undo a few of my ways, so that I can take on His way.

A way that leads me into so much more LIFE.

And I’m thankful. 💝

And I feel “lighter” 💖🍃

And I’m hopeful. 🕊☀️

And it’s amazing how—in this whole thing— God is using the whole thing to allow me to see into the deepest places of my heart, and He’s breaking into and transforming my way of living life.

I’m in a “reconstruction zone” right now— and that is more than okay. 🏠🛠💖

He’s teaching me how to be loved by Him, in a deeper way

And I know, that I’ll be learning the lesson of receiving His love, for the rest of my life. 💝

He’s got good plans for the “new ground”…

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” —Psalm 27:13-14

I want to share a song that a dear friend shared with me yesterday…

…and it was exactly what my heart needed in that moment. 😭💖

So thank you, friend. ☀️

And thank You, Heavenly Father. 💝

“Let The Ground Rest” by Chris Renzema

“Been waiting on a moment
Been waiting on a sign
Waiting for them to call your name
And you’re next in line
Been waiting for your time to come
You’re fifteen minutes in the sun
So don’t you find it strange
That God, He made four seasons and only one’s spring?

So-o-o-o-o just let the ground rest
‘Cause if it’s not right now
It’s for the best
You’re gonna gro-o-o-ow, I know this
But for no-o-o-o-ow, just let the ground rest

You’ve been waiting on a moment
Been waiting on a sign
Waiting for the lights to change
When you won’t feel so stuck or so left behind
Been waiting for the day to come
When you can leave behind what you’ve become
Wash it all-ll away
These flowers only grow once they’ve tasted rain

So-o-o-o-o just let the ground rest
‘Cause if it’s not right now
It’s for the best
You’re gonna gro-o-o-ow, I know this
But for no-o-o-o-ow, just let the ground rest

‘Cause He’ll finish what He starts
He started this I know
But if you saw the plans
Maybe you wouldn’t go
I watched Him plant a seed
And then let the ground rest
So child, oh, believe
‘Cause I promise there’s a harvest”

-Heather 🌺

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