“The winter prepares the earth for the spring, so do afflictions sanctified prepare the soul for glory.”—Richard Sibbes
You may have noticed in a few of my previous journal entries—where I mentioned a health issue that I’ve been dealing with over the last few months.
Over time, in dealing with this issue, an intense anxiety began to sneak into my thinking…these patterns of dwelling, cycles of trying to “figure it all out” which sent me spiraling into a place of “breakdown.”
And all of this, of course, didn’t help the physical side of things going on in my body.
And you know, I did all that I knew to do. I talked with the Lord about this issue, I asked Him to deliver me from it, I asked Him to search my heart if there were things I needed to deal with, others prayed for me, doctors were also looking into it… and yet, this strange, sudden issue remained for a few months, and I became increasingly concerned that I might have to learn to live with it.
And in this place, when I was in the worst of it, I began asking God some hard questions, because my heart was hurting… and I didn’t understand why my Heavenly Father wasn’t whisking me up and taking me out of this place. I began to wonder what was wrong with “me”…
“God, what is going on? I don’t understand… I’m crying out… I’m hurting… I’m doing all that I know to do…but why won’t You help me? Is something wrong with me and You, Father? God… what’s WRONG with me?”
And it felt like I hit a wall, but really—I was running right into Him… 💝🏃🏻♀️☀️
Have you ever talked with Him about things on your heart like this?
You know, He knows our pain, He understands our broken hearts… it’s okay to talk with Him about these things. We are safe in this place with Him. He loves us, He invites us in—we never annoy Him when we come running to Him with our heavy hearts, we are NEVER too much for Him. 💝
I’m so happy to report to you, that this health issue has faded away to nothing over the course of the last month. 🙌
And do you know when things really began changing quickly?
When I discovered the intense patterns of obsession over this issue in my mind…
And I quit begging God for the “quick fix” that I thought I deserved.
And I discovered the place of “rest” that He was inviting me to step into…
And I stepped into a deep, deep lesson that He had in store for me—in and through all of this…
I stepped into the place of finding rest in His love… in the mist of this thing I was facing.
And do you know, this big issue, this scary thing that I had built up and started obsessing over in my mind… began to feel “not so scary anymore…” ✨
And I stepped into some deeper realizations that He needed me to realize and see in the place of my mind.
“You know what? I’m going to stop trying so hard to ‘figure it all out’… I’m going to take a ‘vacation’ from all of this in my mind, and I am going to step into this new lesson of truly learning how to rest in Him. He says that I can find rest in Him, He says that His peace is available, right here in the middle of all of this…and I am going to allow Him to lead me into this place…”
And He didn’t instantly heal the issue, but instead, He led me into a realization and a transformation in my mind—a new way of seeing things.
And in this place, I stepped into His peace—even when the issue was still going on.
As He helped me to turn my mind from the place of anxiously dwelling, and researching, and obsessively digging into—this exhausting cycle of obsessing over trying to “fix the issue myself” when God didn’t seem to give me the “quick fix” that I wanted… He began to soothe and calm these places in my mind, and He showed me the way.
And do you know, that’s when this this physical issue began to disappear… and quickly. ✨
Heavenly Father, when You say…
I can know… that you have good reason for the way You are working in the situation.
I can know… that You have something so much greater in store… so much better than what I’ve found myself asking for. 💔💖
And when You say…
It’s not because You don’t love me, or that You don’t care about what I’m going through…
I know…that what You are really saying is…
“Not yet… because I love you, and because I am leading you through THIS first…something that is going to lead you into far greater, and so. much. better than you can see or imagine right now. So wait… and trust. And take heart, because I will see you through.“
Thank You, Father. 💝
“Afflictions make the heart more deep, more experimental, more knowing and profound, and so, more able to hold, to contain, and beat more.”—John Bunyan
“In every way we’re troubled but not crushed, frustrated but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.”—2 Corinthians 4:8-9
“But those who wait upon the LORD will renew their strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.”—Isaiah 40:31