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9.8.2021 – I hated myself, I hated my life…

Sitting at my dining room table this morning,

I slid my open bible a little closer

so that I could touch the pages…

As I reflected on how precious this book is to me, I was reminded of a memory.

Rewind back to early adulthood…

I was at a low point.

I hated others.

I hated myself.

I hated my life.

I wanted to disappear, and yet I desperately wanted to be seen.

I saw no point for my existence,

and yet I was terrified to die—tormented by the fear of unknown.

I was afraid of death, yet I was not living my life.

I saw back to a moment where I was in the middle of all that…

I’d had it.

I was angry.

I was bitter and broken, and distant from God—stuck in a web of lies that I was believing.

I picked up my bible and I slammed it to the ground as hard as I could.

It was my statement to God.

I lashed out at Him.

…But I was surprised by what I felt in that moment…

It was as if I suddenly received a deeper realization of God seeing and knowing what I was going through.

Instead of His wrath,

I felt seen, I felt known

And as I reflect on where I was back then, there in that place,

I can see…

all that God has done

to transform my heart

to set me free…

that I might learn to




that He died,

…to give it to me.

Oh how this life is meant to be LIVED!

There is so much that is gained

from LIVING this GIFT of LIFE with Him!

“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”—John 14:6

“In Him was life, and that life was the light of men.”—John 1:4

And Lord…

I wasn’t thankful then,

but I thank You now…

for taking me by the hand,

for redeeming my life

and for raising me to life

time, and time, and time again.

Jesus, YOU are the way, the truth, and the LIFE.

Thank You for loving me back to life.

“But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.”—Romans 8:11

Shining as Stars

“…so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and perverse generation, in which you shine as lights in the world as you hold forth the word of life, in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.”—Philippians 2:15-16

Thank You, Father. 💝

-Heather 🌺

2 thoughts on “9.8.2021 – I hated myself, I hated my life…

  1. I love your blog posts I have one that I saves in my phone about truth that I go back to often. This post reminds me of my own personal testimony as well. Though I don’t have the exact same belief system as you do. Im still able to gain a lot from these posts.

    1. Hello Jabari! It is so wonderful to connect with you on here, thank you for leaving me a note! Wow, thank you for sharing this with me. I am always amazed at what the Lord does, and how He speaks to hearts. 💖 Thank you for writing and introducing yourself, it was a blessing. Bless you, Jabari! – Heather 🌺

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