This morning as I was sitting here at the table,
a memory came to mind…
…it was a memory of a “season” or two from a dark time in my teenage years.
I have been wondering, off and on…
if and when God would lead me to share about some things that I faced…
Some things that I came through,
some things that I learned.
Perhaps it’s today.
We’ll see what this turns into…
You see, I went through a dark season when I was a teenager…
I had bitterness and unforgiveness toward others,
and shame were deeply rooted within my heart.
I was extremely awkward as a teen, about as uncomfortable as I could get in my own skin…
School was more than just a “challenge” in the midst of the level of fear and social anxiety that I was facing.
I also lived within a “rejection mindset” and I was dealing with deep shame.
I often could not believe any good thing that anyone said about me.
If people liked me, and wanted to be my friend, I didn’t see how they possibly could, and I so rejected the idea of them truly liking and accepting me.
If people seemed to dislike me, whether real or perceived, it fit right in line with my “suspicions” of rejection, a “confirmation” of my own perception of my “lack of worth.”
Around this time, I had anything “spiritual” pretty much tuned out (or so I thought) because it all frightened me.
I thought anything of the enemy was mostly all just make-believe and couldn’t affect me, and so I didn’t think I needed to be concerned about it (while, unbeknownst to me, fear was ruling my life).
But when nothing seemed to soothe the inner torment I was going through, I found music.
“Music” seemed to soothe my soul.
(And yes, God can use music to soothe us, music that is filled with His truth can set us free of fear and anxiety.)
But I turned to music that agreed with the darkness, and with the angry, deep, hatred within my heart.
Somehow, in the moment, it seemed to help.
The lyrics in some of the music that I had “discovered” seemed to “read my mail”…
“They FEEL my pain!”
“…someone GETS ME.”
And I thought that “absorbing” all of this would help me to heal, to not feel so alone in my pain…
…to help me through…
the music that I was absorbing only carried me deeper into the darkness.
Around this time, it was my belief that the “effects” of the occult were all just make-believe—”harmless“…
“Nothing for me to be concerned about. Nothing that would or could affect me,” or so I thought.
But do you know what I was listening to as my “source” for “comfort”?
I was listening to music that was crafted by self-proclaimed witches, and those who were deep in the occult.
I honestly had no idea at the time,
and believed it to be harmless.
Do you know what happened though?
I became OBSESSED.
I came to the point of feeling as though I NEEDED their music. I couldn’t imagine not having it.
My desire to hang onto (and defend) what I thought I had, became extremely odd, and unhealthy. 🥀
Around this time I remember having a lot of demonic dreams and horrific sleep paralysis experiences.
BUT GOD! ☀️
He shined a light, and He got me out of that world before I began to dig into it more!
THANK YOU, Jesus, for delivering me, setting me free, for giving me sight to SEE!
I’m not going to list out all of the artists I was listening to at the time, but I did find out, years later, that several of them were self-professing witches who were writing songs with “spells” and in support of the ways of the occult. Many of the songs originated from experiences and encounters with “spirits” (or demons).
This is what I was absorbing, this is what I was agreeing with in my heart! 💔
But God set me free,
and He cleansed me,
and He gave me sight in HIS LIGHT,
that I might truly SEE! 🙌
And now, in the name of Jesus, and in His glorious LIGHT, I share my story to expose these things that are “hidden” in the darkness, these traps that have been attempted to be hidden, but they are truly in plain sight!
What did God teach me through all of this?
That I must check my heart, and seek the Him about all of the places that my heart needs healing.
That I must come to HIM and HIM alone for my heart to be made whole,
because the enemy is out to find these places of trauma, these places of woundedness…
and he wants to take us into things that will only hold us captive and keep us bound.
But Jesus came to set us free, and He came to deliver us from death, and lead us into the way of LIFE!
Be careful what you give ear to. Be so careful what you absorb.
I say this because
It’s not worth it.
But the Lord is faithful to help us navigate through this process. ☀️
He leads us in the path of life.
And we learn new things in our journey with Him, every day. 💗
Ask Him, He’ll show you! He’ll teach you. 📖✨
It will often feel like there is something “unsettling” or “sour” to your spirit, and you want to/feel you need to turn it off.
Listen to His leading! He is being FAITHFUL!
“And that we may be delivered from wicked and evil men. For not all have faith. But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. And we have confidence in the Lord about you…”—2 Thessalonians 3:2-4
O, how He delivers us from darkness and death, and into His way of LIGHT and LIFE!
Thank You, Lord Jesus. 💝