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11.22.2021 – “I don’t feel like it…”

Can I be honest?

I love writing,

I find healing in putting words onto the page…

but I don’t feel like writing today.

I don’t feel like letting you in on where I am today.

And yet,

as God so often does…

He nudges me. 💓🍃☀️

And I guess,

rather than hiding away,

He wants me to face whatever this is

right here before you,

quite vulnerably.

And I guess,

He would like me to face all of these things

that I don’t feel like facing today.

To press through

whatever this is…

But I don’t like appearing weak.

I don’t like showing my face on days

that I feel I haven’t “got it all together” enough.

Because,

what will they think? What will they gather? What will they assume?

But I know,

that in times like these,

He’s simply asking me to show up,

to be honest,

and to simply be present with Him,

within the moment,

wherever He leads.

And then somehow

He does exactly, and precisely

what He desires to do.

Somehow

So here I am, Lord.

Do it, Lord. 💖

Do whatever You desire to do,

and in the way that only You can.

And I’m thankful,

that You can even use these imperfect words

presented in this imperfect way…

as I’m living through this imperfect day.

Here are these words

that never seem “good enough” to me.

…and yet You can use them

to do what You desire to do

in the most perfect kind of way…

God, I don’t always understand the “why”

but I know,

I understand

that You are teaching me to trust You

…layer upon layer,

situation by situation,

moment by moment,

day by day…

And I hear You speak into my heart,

“Come here, come out, come forth into the light with Me. You may have deemed yourself ‘not good enough’ to be seen or heard today, but I desire to ‘ignite’ you, and to use you to shine My light, yes—even you, and yes…. even today.”

Thank You, Father. 💝

-Heather 🌺

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